Date: 5w2d
The last time I wrote was prior to my betas. I found out last week that I am pregnant and just received notice that my Beta #3 is 4000 something. My first pregnancy that I miscarried…my Beta #3 was 8000 something, so I don’t know what to make of it all.
My fingers are crossed that everything goes well. I am extremely worried about having a miscarriage again. The last time it happened I was around 6 weeks.
Symptoms:
Very sore hips/butt
Beginning stages of nausea
Very sore boobs
Tired
On another note, (besides the recent adoption of our little girl) I’m in the 2 week wait of IVF cycle #4. I will be taking my beta next week on 7/6/16 and 7/8/16. My meds are similar to my second cycle. There was no ICSI and apparently I’m on high dose everything. They were able to retrieve 2 eggs from my right ovary that matured to 2 x 8 cells in 3 days. Obviously, since that’s all I have, that’s all that was put in. I’m praying that we can expand our family. I’ve decided this will probably be the last time I will be doing IVF. I turn 40 years old next year and this is my cut off.
It’s been a long 8 months since I last posted. Once we picked up our little girl from the hospital, life became a whirlwind. With her arrival being so sudden, we didn’t have anything to begin with other than a crib. Fast forward 8.5 months later, we just finalized adoption this past Tuesday. We finally have a little girl. It wasn’t with a lot of anxiety, tears, and sleepless nights. I think I spent 70% of that in terror that her birth mother would take her back. I’m just glad I can rest peacefully knowing I can finally call her my little girl.
My plans to do embryo adoption have taken a backseat.
On October 13, I received a phone call at 8:30am from a social worker letting me know there is a safe surrender 4 day old baby girl ready to be picked up if my husband and I were still interested. We, of course, said YES! He took the Amtrak train back home from San Francisco and I left work early. We had to pick her up by 3:30pm for placement if not they would look for another family or place her in foster care.
We were there at 3:00pm.
It was an extremely busy, yet exciting day. We had to shop for a car seat to take her out of the hospital, figure out what formula to buy, diapers, wipes, and the whole 9 yards! We were so exhausted and wired at the same time.
Anyways, long story short. We brought our little girl home and were given a few days worth of supplies of baby stuff from the RNs in the nursery. You can’t imagine how grateful I am to them for all their help and patience teaching me how to hold a newborn, diaper change, and feed. We got in with a pediatrician the following day to get her checked out. She’s perfectly healthy.
Not much is known about her mom other than it was a teenage pregnancy, had intentions of giving her daughter up for adoption prior to delivery, and left the hospital right after birth. Nothing is known about the dad.
The catch for a safe surrender baby is that the mom has 14 days from the time she gives up her daughter to come back to claim her. If she misses that deadline, she has 60 days to appeal in court. After this waiting period and no sign of the mom, we can proceed to adopt her. So as of now, the mom has 6 more days to come back for her newborn. My fingers are crossed she doesn’t.
So besides all the worries I have about her being taken away and exhaustion (feeding every 2-3 hours), things have been pretty darn good. I haven’t done much shopping so we are lacking clothes and other misc items, but I hope to shortly get that in order.
Today we had a newborn photo shoot. I feel very fortunate to have been able to squeeze into someone’s schedule to get this done especially since this isn’t a pregnancy of mine that I could have booked way in advance. I think they came out well as my little girl slept through the whole thing and they could mold her as needed.
So, what about IVF? I think I will re-visit it next year. Assuming I don’t lose my little girl in the next 6 days or so, I know I will be very busy trying to bond. Now that I have my “hopefully soon to adopt” daughter, I feel that I can solely try for my own and not go the embryo adoption route.
Anyways, I just wanted to provide an update. More to come. Yes…there was drama at work about this.
It looks like I’m back in the game again.
Since my previous posting, I have just tried to get a bit more “healthier” and just live.
In my last posting I said that I would be doing embryo adoption. Well, at least that’s what I thought it was called until I was corrected by my new RN coordinator. Yes, I have had to switch clinics since this is the only one where I live that has this program. It’s kind of like embryo adoption where you take someone else’s DNA (mom and dad) and carry it to full term. Then after the kid is born, you have to pay some sort of adoption fees and miscellaneous garbage. These embryos are usually frozen and left overs of couples that have decided they don’t want any more. This is what I thought this program I just signed up with offered. I was mistaken.
This new clinic that I will be going to obtains eggs and sperm and actually create their own embryos in their lab. They are not left over embryos from a couple. That’s weird, right? So then after you do all this preliminary stuff, they start sending out profiles to you to see if you match. They don’t send pics of the donors, but just basic information like their health, color of hair, race, etc. The coordinator that is assigned to you is the one who finds the matching profiles. What is more interesting is that to lower the cost, you actually share embryos with other couples trying to conceive and you get 3 chances or your money back. If you choose not to share embryos with another couple, the cost doubles. Also, there are no adoption fees and so forth once the child is born. The child is legally yours.
So, I’m not quite sure what to call this program since it doesn’t follow the embryo adoption definition, but I’m sold by their cost and money back guarantee.
I’m still in the beginning stages of all the paperwork, updates of lab draws, a therapy session (to make sure I understand what it means to adopt?), and another saline ultrasound that is required at their location (even though I just had one in July/Aug). I was told once all of the formalities are completed it takes about 1-3 months to match with the first profile. This is when the transfers begin.
I will keep you posted.
Date: 12dp3dt
Side effects: sore hips/butt, hot flashes, headache, occassional cramping
I had my last beta drawn this morning. As expected, it’s a failed cycle.
So what now?
My husband and I have been exploring embryo adoption (even before this cycle). I think that will be our next step since it is less costly. I don’t think I can keep doing a fresh cycle every single time. I never make it to having a FET. As for egg donation, I heard it costs way more than an IVF cycle or embryo adoption, so that is not an option. I might as well keep doing my own IVF since it’s not so much the quality of eggs, but quantity. Why can’t someone just drop a kid off on my doorstep? If it were only that easy…
For some, I can understand how embryo adoption is a big deal since technically you’re having a baby that doesn’t have your DNA. What I haven’t shared on my blog is that my husband and I are in a foster/adopt program. We’ve been licensed foster parents for about 2 years, have matched with 2 kids over the 2 years only to have them taken away (i.e. the parents want them back after giving them up). We have also explored international adoption and backed out in the end due to Hague laws and last minute increases in cost. So, it’s not like we’re not open to the idea of adoption…afterall, I was adopted as an infant. Our struggle with adoption through our county is that we want an Asian child. Asian kids are hard to find. It’s a waiting game. It sucks. So, with this new news of having a negative beta, I’m hoping that by going the embryo adoption route it might help us get a child quicker than our foster/adopt program.
Date: 9dp3dt
Side effects: Headache, tired, light-headed, hot flashes, cramping
Flu symptoms are gone! Yay!
I headed off to my return visit with the acupuncturist yesterday. It had been a week since transfer. It left me a bit light-headed, but helped ease my headache. Any relief is good!
So, late last night I was reviewing my blog from my last cycle. It seems that I peed on a stick (POAS) on day #9 and actually got a positive result. Today is also pre-beta #1 day.
Results: NEGATIVE!!! =(
I’m really bummed. I really do have a feeling this is a failed cycle though. All side effects are mimicking my last cycle so I had hopes. I guess all cycles are different? I will try again tomorrow before I head off for beta # 1. Fingers crossed I’m not out of the running.
Date: 7dp3dt
Side effects: Severe headache (that just doesn’t go away), body aches, skin sensitivity, tired, random pangs of cramps
It’s almost 10pm and I’m going through round 2 of flu-like symptoms. Ugh!!! I thought I was doing pretty good after I took a nap this afternoon only for this onset of symptoms to hit me hard. I feel crummy again. So bummed. I think my autoimmune issue is causing all of this as it reacts to all the stressors. I couldn’t find any literature that PIO shots cause this so at least I know it’s not a direct side effect.
I washed my hair today and my scalp was really sore. My husband thought I was making it up. I tried explaining to my husband what scalp sensitivity felt like. It’s like having a tight pony tail all day long and at the end of the day removing the elastic to “free” your hair. Your scalp is a bit sensitive. Now imagine that if it was magnified. That’s what my head feels like even though I don’t have my hair up in a pony tail. I’m not sure if he understood me since he has a crew cut, but I think I got the idea out.
This needs to end.
Date: 7dp3dt
Side effects: Headache, Tired
I take my PIO shots every morning. As always, it’s the usual pinch and sometimes there’s a sting. Not sure what happened today, but my hip is on fire. It’s burning really bad. As each hour passes, I keep praying it will go away. I stretched, I rubbed, I put my heating pad on it, I put ice on it, and I rubbed some more. After 3 hours, it’s really killing me. When I look at the location, it’s not red, raised, itchy, or whatever. What gives? Did my hubby hit a nerve?
Other than that, I feel a bit better after getting more sleep. My flu symptoms have finally resolved even though I do feel a bit warm to the touch sometimes. Fever or just the heat? I can’t tell anymore.
My in-laws have finally left. I feel a sense of relief, but my work this afternoon is cut out for me. There’s a lot of clean up to do. Who knew so much damage could be done in 24hrs? That’s another story.
Date: 6dp3dt
Side effects: Severe headache, tired
My in-laws rolled up to the house about 6am. It was supposed to be 8am. There was no “good morning” or “how are you” greetings. The first thing my mother-in-law told me is, “I think you gained weight since last month”. Great. I mean, I always knew that I was chunky and had to lose weight, but really? The last person I want to hear it from is my mother-in-law, especially as I just rolled out of bed. Being on the PIO shot has really made me feel like the ever-expanding whale that could pop any second. Elastic is my friend. I’m not embarrassed to say it, it is. It’s a bit upsetting because I feel like I’ve spent the last 6 months working out and keeping a strict diet just trying to lower my weight so I could qualify for IVF. Now here I am, gaining it all back. My diet is just as strict, but my rigorous exercise routine consists of walking and more walking. I tell myself that it’s all worth it if I get a kid in the end, but these PIO shots are just making it really hard to see that.
On a brighter note, my flu-like symptoms have magically disappeared and have been replaced by a severe headache. Wonderful.
IVF: Drugs, Needles & Hope 